The past is prolog – and flashback
February 1st, 2010 by Paul HawleyPresent-tense narration is widely popular today, for many good reasons. Let’s not get into the pros and cons; my purpose is to deal with a thorny practical matter that always comes up when you choose to narrate a story in present tense. To my mind, the most difficult aspect of present-tense narration is sequence of verb tenses in relating previous action, correctly harking back to before the present moment in the mind of the POV character.
The “rules” are deceptively simple: In the midst of narration in present tense, simple past tense works flawlessly for actions, thoughts, dialogue, etc., that precede the present moment. The corollary is also simple to a fault: Not past-perfect but present-perfect corresponds to preceding actions that relate to the present.
As a writer, it’s nearly impossible to resist the temptation to fall back into the past-perfect form for past action. Others have dealt with why this temptation is so strong and have diverse, interesting theories. Many editors will also trip you up, “fixing” your flashback in simple past by transforming it into past perfect.
Let’s look at a sample passage:
Once on the bus, she lets her mind meander back over what she had done today. Of course there was the scene at the hotel. But what had that accomplished? She had to admit her action was merely symbolic. … What would these people remember? That some rude person tried to ruin their evening? That they’d seen an “environmental extremist” face to face? Would they merely have an exciting anecdote to tell their friends? How could she make these people feel what she feels? [The verb “had to admit” is the red flag: with it the writer slips completely out of present-tense narration.]
And now the way it should read:
Once on the bus, she lets her mind meander back over what she’s gotten done today. Of course there was the scene at the hotel. But what did that accomplish? She has to admit her action was merely symbolic. … What will these people remember? That some rude person tried to ruin their evening? That they saw an “environmental extremist” face to face? Will they merely have an exciting anecdote to tell their friends? How can she make these people feel what she feels?
The only way I know, as a writer or an editor, is to put myself in that bus, after being escorted out of the hotel, and relate my character’s thoughts to the person in the next seat. The verbs, naturally in first person, will come out right: “What have I gotten done today? … What did that accomplish? I wonder whether the action was a success even symbolically. What will those people remember?” etc. If you then need to shift it back into third person, that’s easy; leaving the verb tenses alone is the key. You might think about drafting a note to editors about this and including it with submissions, as both a preventive measure and a teaching tool.
For a brief but helpful technical treatment of this issue, I recommend Gary Lutz & Diane Stevenson, The Writer’s Digest Grammar Desk Reference (Writer’s Digest Books, 2005), pages 109-111.
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Paul Hawley
Hawley Editorial
Paul Hawley has edited fiction and nonfiction books for 30 years. He has edited a variety of titles specifically dealing with theology and the Christian life including books by Stephen Arterburn, Dwight Edwards, Robert Jeffress, Kay Arthur, Michael Youssef, Kathryn Bascom, Fran Love and Jeleta Eckheart, Alan Medinger, Joey O’Connor, and Diane Noble.
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…for Christian writers are not satisfied simply to be published. They aim to present truth, and they know that fiction (whatever else it may be) can become a superb teaching tool. Ten words about eternal life, planted in a well-told story, will reach many who would not think of going to church or picking up a religious book.
— , The Making of a Writer
I apologize for the lapse into jargon: By the “POV character” I mean the point-of-view character, the central or main character at any given point. In fiction written in the first person — “I did this, I saw that,” etc. — that’s the speaker, the “I.” In most other fiction, the reader is in a sense riding along on one character’s shoulder at a time, sharing that one’s sensations and thoughts. That’s the character I’m referring to with my jargon.
Also, comparing the “had” verbs (past-perfect) in the first example passage to the “has/have” verbs (present-perfect) in the second example should go far to clarify the difference between past-perfect and present-perfect, if I have confused you with this treatment.
(Thanks to Walter Mosley for the image of riding on the character’s shoulder, found in his excellent 2009 book from Little, Brown & Co., This Year You Write Your Novel [http://is.gd/7vwZR].)